Alright, so it's quite late (early?) and I've been engaged in an epic play-through of Chrono Trigger.
I have the Food Network on in the background and I start hearing a voice that doesn't agree with me. I check out the TV and there's some show apparently called Good Deal with Dave Lieberman. I know nothing of this show. I know nothing of this guy. All I know is I want to smack him. The way he talks, the way he looks, the way he acts (and specifically the way he pronounces certain words) are all bugging the hell out of me. Who in the hell is this douche? Somebody help me out here.
By the way, he's "sauteing" (steaming way too much shit in a pan) onions, microwaving fontina cheese and using pan-seared top round roast for... Philly cheese steaks. Dude. Seriously. gross. And he's making a "Philly pretzel" by rolling out pizza dough into a log. Why am I still watching this?
There's like 3 good shows on the Food Network (for the record, Good Eats, Iron Chef and Dinner: Impossible). I don't get why they give half these people shows.
The Hearty Boys? It appears to be a gay couple making shitty catering food that you're supposed to make at home.
Semi-home made meals? "let's put some fresh broccoli on a hot pocket and it won't taste like shit anymore. i swear"
The... Neelys? I think that's their name. A couple of retards who can't cook. And they always say the most idiotic things (example: "thank god for taste buds" - what. the. fuck.)
I'm sure I could go on. aarrggrfgfghhhhh. I just don't get why people so undeserving of a show get to be on national television. Maybe I should show how to microwave a can of dog food and top it with cilantro and I'll get a show.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Laziness is next to godliness.
Tonight I decided to make shrimp Caesar salad for dinner. For some reason, I didn't feel the need the make the dressing (i.e. I'm lazy), so I decided to buy it, as many people do. Not wanting to spend 5 bucks on a bottle of nastiness, I searched ye olde internet in search of some help. I checked eGullet, Chowhound and simply did a google search, but to no avail. Everyone liked something different. Some people swore by Girards, others claimed Newman's Own was king, still others touted the original, Cardini's, was the best (he invented it, so it has to be the best, right?) Without any real parameters to go on, I decided to do a Cook's Illustrated-style "best of" comparison. But since I don't have tons of money to spend on salad dressing, and I can only eat so much in one sitting, I have come to the conclusion that it would be easiest to try to do it one bottle/brand at a time. So, here is part one in my 435-part series, Better Know a Dressing.
As I am monetarily impaired at the moment, I decided to see what was available at my local grocery store (which happens to be a Vons) and also what was cost-effective. The only real rules I stuck by were that I wanted it to be a creamy dressing (as opposed to a cheesy or "grainy" dressing; also no vinagrettes) and I was going to look more in the refrigerated section than the shelf-stable one.
Once in the store, I realized they only had 2 brands of refrigerated Caesar dressing, so that made my decision all the more simple. One was a store brand (which, other than a few extreme exceptions, I tend to steer clear of) and Marie's, which is a pretty well-known brand. Also, a few people on the intarwebz gave it the thumbs up, so i decided to try it. There were actually not one but two Caesars by Marie's, a "Caesar" and a "creamy Caesar". Since I went into it looking for a creamier dressing, I grabbed that one. Incidentally, although the same brand and in the same section, they had two entirely different containers which I thought was a little weird.
Just so you can be enthralled with all of this, I also picked up romaine lettuce hearts, some eggs (I decided to add some hard-boiled eggs to the salad, as well as a "vine-ripened" tomato. What can I say, I'm fancy like that), and garlic bread. Yes, I bought garlic bread. My girlfriend hates croutons. Also, I'm lazy. Leave me alone.
I got home, cracked open the bottle and gave it a taste. It was definitely creamy. Kind of like mayonnaise. I checked the ingredient list. The first two ingredients were soybean oil and eggs. So yes, I just bought mayonnaise. The other "classic" Caesar ingredients, like anchovies (which aren't supposed to be in caesar at all, but that's another show), Parmesan, and garlic were all in the "2% or less of the following ingredients" section of the list. Not wanting to be thwarted by a bottle of fancy mayo, I added some lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, shredded Parmesan cheese, quite a bit of black pepper (freshly cracked, of course) and garlic salt. I didn't want to chop garlic; shut it.
After all of my fancy culinary tinkering, I had something that resembled Caesar dressing. Which was nice in the end, but it sort of defeated the purpose of buying the dressing in the first place. I'll just add stuff to some mayonnaise if I want to make this again. But I won't be doing that, of course, because I now need to test yet another brand. Which probably won't happen for like a month. I don't really think I need to explain why.
As I am monetarily impaired at the moment, I decided to see what was available at my local grocery store (which happens to be a Vons) and also what was cost-effective. The only real rules I stuck by were that I wanted it to be a creamy dressing (as opposed to a cheesy or "grainy" dressing; also no vinagrettes) and I was going to look more in the refrigerated section than the shelf-stable one.
Once in the store, I realized they only had 2 brands of refrigerated Caesar dressing, so that made my decision all the more simple. One was a store brand (which, other than a few extreme exceptions, I tend to steer clear of) and Marie's, which is a pretty well-known brand. Also, a few people on the intarwebz gave it the thumbs up, so i decided to try it. There were actually not one but two Caesars by Marie's, a "Caesar" and a "creamy Caesar". Since I went into it looking for a creamier dressing, I grabbed that one. Incidentally, although the same brand and in the same section, they had two entirely different containers which I thought was a little weird.
Just so you can be enthralled with all of this, I also picked up romaine lettuce hearts, some eggs (I decided to add some hard-boiled eggs to the salad, as well as a "vine-ripened" tomato. What can I say, I'm fancy like that), and garlic bread. Yes, I bought garlic bread. My girlfriend hates croutons. Also, I'm lazy. Leave me alone.
I got home, cracked open the bottle and gave it a taste. It was definitely creamy. Kind of like mayonnaise. I checked the ingredient list. The first two ingredients were soybean oil and eggs. So yes, I just bought mayonnaise. The other "classic" Caesar ingredients, like anchovies (which aren't supposed to be in caesar at all, but that's another show), Parmesan, and garlic were all in the "2% or less of the following ingredients" section of the list. Not wanting to be thwarted by a bottle of fancy mayo, I added some lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, shredded Parmesan cheese, quite a bit of black pepper (freshly cracked, of course) and garlic salt. I didn't want to chop garlic; shut it.
After all of my fancy culinary tinkering, I had something that resembled Caesar dressing. Which was nice in the end, but it sort of defeated the purpose of buying the dressing in the first place. I'll just add stuff to some mayonnaise if I want to make this again. But I won't be doing that, of course, because I now need to test yet another brand. Which probably won't happen for like a month. I don't really think I need to explain why.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Done.
8 days. 11 lbs lost. A feeling of death.
I was extreeeeemely weak today. And every time I stood up, I was dizzy and lightheaded. So I ate some random things I found in my kitchen. And now my stomach is making sounds like a rampaging Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Which means the fast is over. Now, this doesn't mean I'm going to just go eat a steak, but I ate, so the timeline is broken. I'm going to have soup for the next day or two. We'll see how my disgestive tract handles it all.
I was extreeeeemely weak today. And every time I stood up, I was dizzy and lightheaded. So I ate some random things I found in my kitchen. And now my stomach is making sounds like a rampaging Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Which means the fast is over. Now, this doesn't mean I'm going to just go eat a steak, but I ate, so the timeline is broken. I'm going to have soup for the next day or two. We'll see how my disgestive tract handles it all.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
BAH!
Alright.
I screwed up. ::hangs head in shame::
I was helping my girlfriend make her lunch (gyoza, rice, edamame) and I was showing her how I cook the edamame, and then.. AND THEN... I tried one to make sure it was cooked properly. Damnit all to hell. I didn't even think about it until like 10 minutes later.
Now, granted, I don't think eating like 3 or 4 soybeans (the pod is comprised of multiple beans, donchaknow) is going to completely screw this whole experiment up, BUT the purity of it is compromised, so that sucks. I'm kinda mad now.
I'll just try to use my brain in the future and not do that any more for the duration of the cleanse. Including the ease-in, I'm at a full 7 days. I'm not really dying of hunger or anything, so I really WANT to go the full 10 days, but I'm still debating if 7 is enough.
I screwed up. ::hangs head in shame::
I was helping my girlfriend make her lunch (gyoza, rice, edamame) and I was showing her how I cook the edamame, and then.. AND THEN... I tried one to make sure it was cooked properly. Damnit all to hell. I didn't even think about it until like 10 minutes later.
Now, granted, I don't think eating like 3 or 4 soybeans (the pod is comprised of multiple beans, donchaknow) is going to completely screw this whole experiment up, BUT the purity of it is compromised, so that sucks. I'm kinda mad now.
I'll just try to use my brain in the future and not do that any more for the duration of the cleanse. Including the ease-in, I'm at a full 7 days. I'm not really dying of hunger or anything, so I really WANT to go the full 10 days, but I'm still debating if 7 is enough.
3-B, 4, 5, 6
Nothing really new so far. Same full feeling most days. Food cravings are abating, so that's good.
I noticed no matter what I try, the SWF gets worse and worse. Each day I come closer to puking. On day 5, for the first time, I made the entire SWF as 1 big solution (all the salt dissolved into a quart of water and not a "shot" of salt water and then chugging water). It didn't taste as bad because of how diluted it was, BUT I had to sit there and drink an entire 32 oz. of salt water. That experience was the only time of the cleanse so far that I've "cheated". Over the course of drinking, I drank somewhere in the range of a 1/4 cup of orange juice just to wash away the salt taste. I can't imagine this amount would really affect anything, which is why I did it.
I was awake for a long day on days 4 and 5; somewhere in the range of 24 hours. During the actual course of day "5" I didn't drink any lemonade. I wasn't home that much and when I did get home I was so tired I just immediately went to bed.
Day 6's SWF was easily the worst so far. I did the "shot" again, then drank water, and immediately had the feeling that it was coming up. This is the first time I ever actually made the motion of it, dry heaving a few times, but luckily I didn't actually bring anything back up. I felt horrible for a little while and could have forced myself to puke, but that would've defeated the whole purpose of everything, so I made myself keep it down.
Which brings me to something oh-so-lovely. I've read and heard that when you fast and do flushes or use enemas or get colonics, etc. that eventually your body stops producing solid waste and starts flushing out... old waste. Stuff that's been sitting in your digestive tract unable to be pushed through. I've spoken to a few people about it and most say it's not true or just propaganda or whatnot. Let me just say... it is true. After 7 full days of not eating anything, new... stuff started to pass. Now, it's nothing horribly disgusting or shocking (OH EM GEE WTF!!!), but it is strange to see stuff come out of you that's black. Black black. We'll see if more things turn up in the next few days.
My gf keeps telling me to stop so we can go out to dinner haha, and I've been tempted a few times, but seeing as how I've gone 7 days total so far (including the ease-in), I don't think about 5 or 6 days is going to kill me. Plus it will make that sushi I'm going to eat that much better. Because I love sushi. If I was a rich man, I would eat sushi every goddamn day. And it would be glorious. Sigh. A boy can dream.
Anyway, that's it for now. Nothing shockingly new, but we'll see as the cleanse finishes up.
I noticed no matter what I try, the SWF gets worse and worse. Each day I come closer to puking. On day 5, for the first time, I made the entire SWF as 1 big solution (all the salt dissolved into a quart of water and not a "shot" of salt water and then chugging water). It didn't taste as bad because of how diluted it was, BUT I had to sit there and drink an entire 32 oz. of salt water. That experience was the only time of the cleanse so far that I've "cheated". Over the course of drinking, I drank somewhere in the range of a 1/4 cup of orange juice just to wash away the salt taste. I can't imagine this amount would really affect anything, which is why I did it.
I was awake for a long day on days 4 and 5; somewhere in the range of 24 hours. During the actual course of day "5" I didn't drink any lemonade. I wasn't home that much and when I did get home I was so tired I just immediately went to bed.
Day 6's SWF was easily the worst so far. I did the "shot" again, then drank water, and immediately had the feeling that it was coming up. This is the first time I ever actually made the motion of it, dry heaving a few times, but luckily I didn't actually bring anything back up. I felt horrible for a little while and could have forced myself to puke, but that would've defeated the whole purpose of everything, so I made myself keep it down.
Which brings me to something oh-so-lovely. I've read and heard that when you fast and do flushes or use enemas or get colonics, etc. that eventually your body stops producing solid waste and starts flushing out... old waste. Stuff that's been sitting in your digestive tract unable to be pushed through. I've spoken to a few people about it and most say it's not true or just propaganda or whatnot. Let me just say... it is true. After 7 full days of not eating anything, new... stuff started to pass. Now, it's nothing horribly disgusting or shocking (OH EM GEE WTF!!!), but it is strange to see stuff come out of you that's black. Black black. We'll see if more things turn up in the next few days.
My gf keeps telling me to stop so we can go out to dinner haha, and I've been tempted a few times, but seeing as how I've gone 7 days total so far (including the ease-in), I don't think about 5 or 6 days is going to kill me. Plus it will make that sushi I'm going to eat that much better. Because I love sushi. If I was a rich man, I would eat sushi every goddamn day. And it would be glorious. Sigh. A boy can dream.
Anyway, that's it for now. Nothing shockingly new, but we'll see as the cleanse finishes up.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Day's 2 and 3-A
So Day 2, same old stuff for the most part. I did the SWF in the morning with fine sea salt instead of the kosher salt so it would dissolve easier. It was actually a lot saltier in taste and I almost threw up a few times (well, gagged, at least). It took all of 5 minutes for that to flush through me, but it was only a light passing, I guess. The main event took place about 40 minutes later. Waiting is actually kind of annoying because you can't go anywhere or do anything until you pass the water.
The entire day I had what I ca best describe as a very minor stomach cramp. I felt full all day. Not the good full either. Not "I just had some lovely sushi, time for the theatre". It was more like "I just ate 8 pounds of ham". Ugh. I wasn't hungry or thirsty pretty much all day. Wanting to try and stick to the regimen as much as possible, I chugged another quart (half of the recommended daily amount) of "lemonade" and finished the night with the senna tea again. I had no hunger, but I craved food like you wouldn't believe. As long as I didn't think about food, I felt fine though. The gf is getting mad at me because we can't go out to dinner and she's been having cravings for different kinds of food.
Day 3-A: I say A, because it's only the first half. I woke up and drank the SWF. Worst day yet. It seems to be getting worse and worse as time goes on. I had to physically and mentally coerce myself from vomiting. Awesome. So I actually had to leave about 30 minutes after I did this and it didn't pass, so I was a bit worried. I'm guessing that since I was out and about, my body sensed that and I didn't really have the urge to go until I got home about 3 hours later. Then it was a BM as normal. You know, it's amazing what's in your system even having not eaten anything for 4 days. I'm guessing by the time the cleanse/fast is up, there won't be any solid matter. We'll see. I'm not really hungry again, but I might force myself to drink some lemonade and water, just so I know there's something in my system.
The entire day I had what I ca best describe as a very minor stomach cramp. I felt full all day. Not the good full either. Not "I just had some lovely sushi, time for the theatre". It was more like "I just ate 8 pounds of ham". Ugh. I wasn't hungry or thirsty pretty much all day. Wanting to try and stick to the regimen as much as possible, I chugged another quart (half of the recommended daily amount) of "lemonade" and finished the night with the senna tea again. I had no hunger, but I craved food like you wouldn't believe. As long as I didn't think about food, I felt fine though. The gf is getting mad at me because we can't go out to dinner and she's been having cravings for different kinds of food.
Day 3-A: I say A, because it's only the first half. I woke up and drank the SWF. Worst day yet. It seems to be getting worse and worse as time goes on. I had to physically and mentally coerce myself from vomiting. Awesome. So I actually had to leave about 30 minutes after I did this and it didn't pass, so I was a bit worried. I'm guessing that since I was out and about, my body sensed that and I didn't really have the urge to go until I got home about 3 hours later. Then it was a BM as normal. You know, it's amazing what's in your system even having not eaten anything for 4 days. I'm guessing by the time the cleanse/fast is up, there won't be any solid matter. We'll see. I'm not really hungry again, but I might force myself to drink some lemonade and water, just so I know there's something in my system.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
A short intermission from the Miracle Cleanse
So since I became jobless, I've literally done more baking than I've done in the past 2 years or so. I'm really just trying to "improve my form", so to speak, so I haven't really been eating the stuff I've been making. I've been giving it away to neighbors and the like.
I've made sugar cookies two ways (one the classic, puffy, chewy type and another more of a shortbread style, laced with lemon zest), banana-walnut bread and coffee cake. I really need to start documenting all this stuff. Anyone wanna loan me a camcorder?
I've made sugar cookies two ways (one the classic, puffy, chewy type and another more of a shortbread style, laced with lemon zest), banana-walnut bread and coffee cake. I really need to start documenting all this stuff. Anyone wanna loan me a camcorder?
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